My underwear smells like fireworks.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
