dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
