I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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