i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
