Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
