My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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