someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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