So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
