So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
