dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
