Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
