I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
