she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
