And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
