then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
