there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
