she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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