Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
