why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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