There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
What a dumb baby whore.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
