i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
