funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
