Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
