My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
