I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
