I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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