I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
