Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
