Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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