wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
In other news, I just burned my penis
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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