I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
