Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
