is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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