I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
