Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
