Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
