You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
foreskin is a definite game changer
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
