big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
