I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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