I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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