Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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