Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
