So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
