we have officially lost it.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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