I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
