I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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