mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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