i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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