talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
