Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
