So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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