You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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