Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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